Current mood: Say (All I Need) by OneRepublic
Hello my friends, welcome back. It’s time for us to peep into our girls’ life once again. Let’s start by announcing that she’s been flirting with her forgotten past, unearthing old loves and admitting to herself that maybe, just maybe, she’s still in love with her first and only love.
I say “maybe” because it might be just the need to feel, or Valentine’s Day getting into her skin -less probable, though-. The fact is she’s been thinking about love, pondering on the possibility of digging it all out, give her whole self again to that old connu -knowing she’ll get hurt… again-. She has no more goofy stares or muted words or red-coloured cheeks or bouncing heart to give as love proof. The only thing left is her pride, her admitting that the feelings are still there, her jealousy, her “wanna see you again”, the dreaded “I’m not over you after all these years”.
I’ve reached to some conclusions myself. I think most people don’t know what love really means. Neither do I, of course, but I do believe that we’ve failed in matching love and freedom on the same sentence. We want the other person to be ours, to have a tag with our name on it, exclusivity. Our way of loving is the pure essence of insecurity. Why can’t we see ourselves in terms of moments? Imagine a world were you give yourself to the person in front of you, whoever that is. You devote your senses to the moment.
In that imaginary world, when you finally get to be with your loved one, you’ll give it all, instead of that give and take game we are all so used to play. You won’t be scared of delivering your heart, of expressing whatever it is that you are feeling because you are not supposed to call it love if you restraint. The best part of all is: no more jealousy. You won’t expect anything from your loved one. The key word here is share, you’ll share a moment, an instant together by choice, not by obligation or expectations or entitlements.
You need two free people for that world, of course. Which means that you have to give it all but also know when to run from harm and selfishness and insecurities in case the other one is locked in conventional love.
I, the woman whose life we are peeping into, am going to try to make that world a reality. That means letting the loved one choose his moments and company. Enjoying the time we both decide to share together without expectations and making art of each of my moments, regardless of the company. I know what you’re thinking: moments are special because of that person. Wrong, it’s easier that way, but that just means you’ll have to try harder to compensate the loved one’s absence.
