The Boring Days, Troogblog

Thoughts on love | #troogblog 007

Current mood: Say (All I Need) by OneRepublic

Hello my friends, welcome back. It’s time for us to peep into our girls’ life once again. Let’s start by announcing that she’s been flirting with her forgotten past, unearthing old loves and admitting to herself that maybe, just maybe, she’s still in love with her first and only love.

I say “maybe” because it might be just the need to feel, or Valentine’s Day getting into her skin -less probable, though-. The fact is she’s been thinking about love, pondering on the possibility of digging it all out, give her whole self again to that old connu -knowing she’ll get hurt… again-. She has no more goofy stares or muted words or red-coloured cheeks or bouncing heart to give as love proof. The only thing left is her pride, her admitting that the feelings are still there, her jealousy, her “wanna see you again”, the dreaded “I’m not over you after all these years”.

I’ve reached to some conclusions myself. I think most people don’t know what love really means. Neither do I, of course, but I do believe that we’ve failed in matching love and freedom on the same sentence. We want the other person to be ours, to have a tag with our name on it, exclusivity. Our way of loving is the pure essence of insecurity. Why can’t we see ourselves in terms of moments? Imagine a world were you give yourself to the person in front of you, whoever that is. You devote your senses to the moment.

In that imaginary world, when you finally get to be with your loved one, you’ll give it all, instead of that give and take game we are all so used to play. You won’t be scared of delivering your heart, of expressing whatever it is that you are feeling because you are not supposed to call it love if you restraint. The best part of all is:  no more jealousy. You won’t expect anything from your loved one. The key word here is share, you’ll share a moment, an instant together by choice, not by obligation or expectations or entitlements.

You need two free people for that world, of course. Which means that you have to give it all but also know when to run from harm and selfishness and insecurities in case the other one is locked in conventional love.

I, the woman whose life we are peeping into, am going to try to make that world a reality. That means letting the loved one choose his moments and company. Enjoying the time we both decide to share together without expectations and making art of each of my moments, regardless of the company. I know what you’re thinking: moments are special because of that person. Wrong, it’s easier that way, but that just means you’ll have to try harder to compensate the loved one’s absence.

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The Boring Days, Troogblog

Sugar rush | #troogblog 006

Current mood: Flightless bird, american mouth by Iron & Wine

Walking up the street, coming back with her laundry after a whole week of putting it off. Crazy man passes by her side muttering God-knows-what and she doesn’t even flinch, she feels so out of this world as well right now. Time to pay for ingesting that much sugar.

She gets to the apartment, lies on her bed, plugs the computer on… let the typing begin. Yesterday was definitely a crazy day. She missed her first and second classes while trying to work out before going downtown to buy a pair of gigantic milkshake glasses for her new video. She managed to exercise for 10 minutes before giving up, trying to finish a poem she had recently written: Once.

Morning was lost. She went to her third and last class at 1.20 p.m., then headed downtown and looked for hours until she found the glasses. She came back home, ordered a pizza for later, rushed to the supermarket, bought everything needed and finally went home for good. She bathed, dressed, got the pizza and began the Gilmore Girls’ Marathon with her roomie’s and roomie’s boyfriend’s help. They prepared giant milkshakes, spicy chopped oranges, Kool-Aid pitcher, butter popcorn, spread tons of candies and junk food on top of 4 cardboard boxes and placed the computer at the middle. Netflix was on. Shoots were taken and eventually, five Gilmore Girls episodes gave way to the dawn. Bellies bursting, hearts pounding, muscle spasms. They finally went to sleep at nearly 5 a.m.

She woke up exhausted, it had been a tough, expensive and fattening day. Although, definitely worth it. Can’t wait to see it all edited and up.

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The Boring Days, Troogblog

Anxiety | #troogblog 003

She puts on her hoodie, she sits, stares at the blank paper, draws a couple of lines and the hoodie goes off again. The Superbowl has been today’s soundtrack against her will -the downside of living in an apartment building-, how long does that stupid game last for? The air is annoying tonight, she can’t sketch in that mood, so writing seems a good idea until she finds herself looking for pimples on the arm to squeeze.

She decides to get up and do something, anything. I’ll let you know what when she’s back.

The Verdict

She never came back, the bed was begging her to stay, so she did. After some analyzing, she got to the conclusion that the elephant pressing her chest was caused by the worst possible thing: the unidentified. The feeling was completely new, she was clueless of what to do.

Now, there are always at least 2 paths for every situation in life: the active or the pasive, to act or to react, to be a victim or a warrior. You don’t know this woman very well yet, but I do, and I know her choice already, I knew it before today even started. It’s a matter of principles. Once you decide to fight, you’re a warrior for life.

So there she was, flirting with the elephant, letting him sink deeper. She felt the sadness, the loneliness, the anguish, and then smiled, because she knew the best way to fight the invisible and the ethereal, was patience. Everything changes if you know how to wait long enough. Just hang on and smile. Always smile.

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The Boring Days, Troogblog

Remodeling gone wrong | #troogblog 002

She’s talented, beautiful and intelligent, but was granted lazy genes at birth, hence becoming a proud inhabitant of Nowhere at age 28. Surrounded by cardboard boxes, bags of a month’s trash and misplaced objects such as those red flip-flops over the yoga mat, or the feet powder on top of her bed’s wooden legs -which she cut months ago-, she ponders on beginning her homework: designing and building a model of a vending cart. She decides to sit and share with you -the one reading this procrastinative words- everything she did through out her day instead.

She got up at 7.30 a.m., bladder’s fault. While peeing, she couldn’t help but stare at the wall and decided to mask it to apply the last color. She’s been painting the whole week a quite strident op art pattern but nothing has turned out as envisioned.

It all started with her weekly vlog where she would remodel her tiny, ugly, depressing bathroom in the course of a day. Idiot. Of course a day wasn’t enough, not even a week -as she discovered afterwards-. But time hasn’t been the only setback: she got the ceiling’s color wrong, some parts of the wall are ripping along with the color when unmasking and today she faced the worst of problems.

After masking and painting and sleeping til’ noon, she managed to drag herself to the gym for an hour. Then, once she was back and the unmasking began, she realized the grey has been absorbed by the fluorescent areas, making it look way too sloppy. Fortunately, the concept behind it is decadence and underground and nuts, so she knows there are still ways to fix it. She remembers the lesson from one of her first design courses: if you fuck up, blame it on the design and make it look as if you did it on purpose.

She grabbed a bite after the incident, then took her clothes to the laundry and finally stayed at her apartment cleaning and preparing everything for the last shots for tomorrow, when the blog is due. Doubts crawl her mind. Will she post the vlog on time? And most importantly, will she finish her design project? Everything is piling up, time included. She’s starting to regret spending 3 hours watching videos and chilling. Like I said: lazy, lazy genes.

But don’t worry. She’s got it. Just give her a chance.

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The Boring Days, Troogblog

And so it begins… | #troogblog 001

There she is, sitting on the couch, waiting for the muses to strike… but they don’t. She never thought making her dreams come true was going to be so hard, so exhausting. It was 3.30 a.m. when she finally gave up on her project and went to sleep. The design wasn’t getting any closer to a decent solution, what was the point on something beautiful without being different in essence?

So she head off to her room where her roomie was sleeping deeply. She needed to wake up at 6.30 a.m. to reach class, but without homework it was worthless. She stayed home and decided to wake up early anyways. She was up at 8.30, ignoring her eyelids  begging for bed. She sat down and finally finished reading her second book of the year, which inspired her to resume her blogging attempts. She spent the next hour tweaking the site until it felt right. If she’s to become a writer and a blogger and a vlogger, she needs to write and blog and vlog.

Bad thing she couldn’t go to the gym nor do T25 this time, her belly ached so much due to her period. But there are no dead moments anymore, every single minute is precious and each second helps to build the following one. If you work hard now, you will start in a better position next, and so on. That’s why she began working on the remodeling of the bathroom. Paint was hard for the nose but she still worked very hard. Then it was time for editing this week’s video, although she wasn’t done shooting it. The plan was to advance in order to facilitate the job later since she was going to be buried in homework this weekend.

After all that hard work, she treated herself to some Gilmore Girls and YouTube videos before writing the words you are reading right now. It’s 2.20 a.m. so she must wrap it up. Maybe she will start reading a new book before finally hitting the pillow. That was her day, productively boring, bloody and gymless.

Tomorrow looks even busier.

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